Friday, December 12, 2008

Decorating the Carnivorous Christmas Tree


Last night we ventured forth to procure the perfect christmas tree, a symbol of the season and the constant renewel of life. No, we did not go into a forest and walk for miles and miles. We did not take our ax and smote a massive evergreen. Instead, we went to the local "Big Jim's" Christmas tree stand and selected our precut and grown at a Christmas tree farm tree. The temperature was hovering around 30 with a brisk wind and quite frankly, I was cold and maybe not as attentive as I usually would have been. I was also slightly distracted, because the Mrs of this mom and pop business was yelling at my son for smoking around the trees. Ok, so he should have known better but he insisted he didn't see a sign and we were outside. So anyway, the tree was the right height, the right shape and the right price, I told my husband, that one is fine and I shuffled up to the RV to pay.
When we arrive back at the house, we have to wrangle it out of the truck, into the house, and sometime in this time frame we discover our tree is of the "sticker bush" variety. I maybe should have felt this tree up a little bit because it is definately NOT decorater friendly. The simple act of applying lights has left me with a burning prickly rash up and down both arms and my hands, and it feels like I have been stung by jelly fish.
Only after we delievered this fiendish tree into our house and mounted it on its round plastic stand, did we notice the gnarled and twisted, impossible-to-make-it-stand-up-straight trunk. After resetting it into the base several times, we decided that it looked alright, even thought it seems as though it is thrusting out it's chest proudly, as if saying, "You got me in here, but I'm not gonna surrender to the likes of YOU".
So today I bring my first granddaughter over to help hang a few ornaments on it, and only after hanging two ornaments, she declared, "Im done, it keeps sticking me." So, I put her to work on the little Norman Rockwell village, as I bravely approched the tree, ornament in hand, to adorn this symbol of the spirit of christmas. Well not only did it stab me repeatedly, but it has the type of limbs that do not support decor. So, yes, I had to twist the hanger on as well as stick my hands back into this vampire tree.
So now, as I write this, my arms and hands are very inflammed and burning. But the tree stands,leaning back, in the corner twinkling merrily away. Now tommorrow I have to water it and put the presents under there..........

6 comments:

trosekay said...

Ouch! That sound painful...I've had a tree or two like that in the past. It's kind of miserable. I am now grateful for my tiny 4 ft fake tree, since I'm in a smaller place this Christmas.

dragyonfly said...

LOL Trosekay...I wouldnt mind a fake tree but my Michigan hubby likes the live ones....something about that smell reminds him of home...
Merry Christmas..........

Hannah Banana said...

Hahaha, oh no! The vampire tree! You reminded me of a tree we got when I was about 10. Our Charlie Brown Christmas tree. We had to place books under one side of the stand to keep it up because it was so crooked. It manage to fall over once...but we loved it unconditionally anyway. :)

dragyonfly said...

Hannah, I had a charlie brown tree once, too. It waited till we got it home and inside and decorated, then it dropped every needle on the floor and we had a naked tree in our living room. That was a silly christmas tree.

Edumentor said...

I think you may have selected the rare species Mywota Diabolicum for your Christmas tree this year. I've seen this problem before. Try feeding it two aspirin daily in warm water to keep it happy and don't stand alone near it's branches in the dark of night.

By the way, my word for verification today is grachie. I wonder if there is a person somewhere whose job it is to think up these silly words. grachie.

dragyonfly said...

LOL...Grachie...that sounds like something to do with itching.

As for our tree, which we have named Spike, by the way, I fully expect it to start shooting needles across the room at us.

It looks purdy all gussied up tho. I just stay away...the cat is even skeert of it.

Oh, and here is my word verification...poadwain.
Hmmmmm I will use it in a sentence.
ahem.
"Yestiddy, it poadwain an' I got wet. "