Tuesday, December 23, 2008
Queen Mamma D
Well, here it is...Almost Christmas. This is Scrooge reporting. As every year, I have a hard time at Christmastime for a number of reasons. I have a hard time getting into the "spirit" of things, I have a hard time with the whole idea, really. Sometimes I really resent it, right up until the week of. I will angrily go out and buy useless gifts for my family, who really HAVE everything they need already, feeling really hateful and resentful. My husband and I have never really done anything for ourselves so that thought bubbles up and keeps things stirred up in my heart.
But its my own fault. I created that monster who sits in my head and says, "you didnt get enough for child number 2, or wait, number one has more than number three" And don't even get me started on the grandkid who just asked for a ball of string and some paper bags this year, so she can "build a treehouse."
She's getting the most "stuff" of anyone, PLUS the ball of string.
So, basically it boils down to guilt. This weird guilt trip I put myself on.
This year started off the usual way, but I had vowed to keep it simple and just give some of those groovy Simon cards so they can do the shopping for themselves to the grown kids, and spend my energy on the grandkids.
So it was okay, until that guilt critter kicked in. So I said, "okay, clothes PLUS gift cards". And it went from there, you can imagine the rest.
So the crappy feelings started up again, getting all pissy and angry and being really impatient and hateful to my grown kids, who test me on a daily basis.
Then suddenly my heart piped up and told my mind to hush. "Stop questioning everything and just go with it. It's just money and stuff, the important thing is our family is intact, healthy and we care about each other, we support each other and we love each other and there is no room for all that pessimism now. Something about unconditional love and devotion and celebration of all that is good in humanity. THAT is what we need to focus on." That is what my heart said.
Ok, so maybe I didn't come up with that all by myself. I think It is an idea that started a couple of thousand years ago.
I'm not necessarily a religious person, but I know that we are creatures of some bigger design than we can imagine.
I may have bought into the whole "buy stuff till you puke" mania that grips the country several times a year (Christmas, Valentines Day, Easter, Halloween, threat of snow, sleet, or year 2012)
BUT if we can keep our spirits alive, our hope and our joy. If we can recognize our blessings and our good heartedness, then buying "stuff" isn't so bad.
But next year, we are cutting back and giving the extra to shelters and we are working next year as volunteers.