Tuesday, June 23, 2009

Mother's Hands

These are my mother's hands,
old hands with blue ropey-roadmap veins
that other old nurses leer at, wantonly,
ready to insert a large gauge IV,
using no tourniquet.
Hands that flutter together like moths
when the urge to smoke intrudes.
Hands that are washed too much.
Hands with loose skin
like tissue paper
and weird brown spots.

Ten stubby fingers with nails,
too ugly to paint,
easily broken.
Just right to bite.
Hands decorated with 6 spinning
shiny rings,
too large for the spindly fingers
of a blooming old lady.

Hands with a life of their own
with their own ideas about things.
Reaching for babies
braiding long hair.
Stroking strange cats and dogs,
holding bristly insects and
the cool smooth skin of snakes.
Touching a brand new flat top haircut
and the smooth baby-soft skin
under my husband's beard.
Checking for fever, and pulses
Calming the fearful
the confused, the confined.
Reaching out
even when the rest of me doesn't want to.

Hands that have slapped and swatted
and spanked.
And stroked and sweated and clapped
and held on to other hands
trying to anchor us together
on this wild ride.

Hands that are in league
with the heads notion
of writing.
Not even concerned with
the continuous short circuiting
between them.
They sit ready over a white expanse of paper,
until the head produces a random firing of neurons
trying to regurgitate an original thought.

Tuesday, June 16, 2009

Tornadoes and Burger King

Friday PM..one of the few times that I am actually completely alone at home, getting ready to go to work, while watching this red horseshoe shaped storm hurtle towards us on the doppler radar, Im thinking to myself, "I should have already left". My elderly dog who pretty much ignores me, was wrapped around my legs. Now, technically we should have had plenty of daylight left, but suddenly we were in the dark, as the electricity (predictably) went out. Our power goes out if you fart too loud.
So I gather up my candles and kerosene lamps and commence to looking for a lighter. In a house hold full of smokers, you would think lighters would be plentiful. This is not the case over here. You can never find one when you need it. Suddenly I notice the outside has turned a yellow-green color and the wind is howling, and my dog is looking up at me like, "Uh...can we like, take cover now?" So we head to what I like to think of as the center of the house, the bathroom. I sit on the toilet and hold my sage and citrus candle in the dark and Neelix, a fifty pound husky, is behind the toilet.
Now for you folks who don't live in Tornado alley, a yellow green atmosphere is never a good thing. Its not the actual sky. Its the air. Its what the world looks like right as the cold and warm fronts meet.
Hail is next and is pounding loudly on the metal awning as I waited impatiently for it to "blow over". Then a deep rumbling, thought something was just vibrating. So didn't worry about it.

Only later did I find out that that noise was a tornado going over my house. It picked up a tree around the corner and flung it into a house, ripped a branch off my tree and hurled it into my pool, bending the frame, but sparing our house.
It took a right turn and mowed over several utility poles at the corner and killed power in our neighborhood for several days.
It went a bout a mile and took a left and mowed down trees along a busy road in Bartlett.
I have heard Tornadoes referred to as "the finger of God" and I agree with that powerful statement. Just a touch and all is splinters.
I am grateful that we were not really affected, other than the slight bent frame of our pool and a few hours without power.

It seems like we are getting more tornadoes than usual lately. I guess it must be the global warming we are hearing so much about. Burger King here in Memphis was advertising on their signs that Global Warming is Baloney.
So I am done with Burger king. I really don't eat that crap anymore, but I'm especially done with them.

I guess everyone has a right to his opinion, and I have a right not to spend my money there.....It's all good.

Monday, June 8, 2009

We all live in a yellow submarine

Ok, I admit it...

I guess I am having what is known as a "mid life crisis" or something. I read back over my worry post and had to laugh a little. Mainly, because the post didn't even begin to touch on all of my issues. I have discovered that life is not how it appears to be, sort of like that warning in the rear view mirror "object may be closer than appears." When you wipe off some of the layers of facade we pile up, you get a little glimpse of how it really is. Even as close as we are with our own selves, we tend to paint things to suit our view, and then we are genuinely surprised when we discover our folly. I think that has been referred to as "sticking your head in the sand, wearing rose colored glasses, etc." I have decided that all that sand and paint and wallpaper creates a wall around our hearts to protect it from the truth, and it takes a lot of picking and peeling, blood, sweat and tears to uncover even the smallest inch of wall (truth).
You think you got it all together and are set for life then one little thing can happen to completely toss you out of your little orbit. I have met so many people who this has happened to, and it scares me, especially since I feel like I have only a tentative and slippery grip on my orbit...We try to take can of our own, but the gravitational pull of all these planets are changing our elliptical shapes. LOL.

Another thing...
I find myself caught in what seems to be an endless loop of repetitive activity and this is beginning to seriously annoy me. I am bored out of my mind. I seek out things to do to keep from being bored.
I make crazy and compulsive lists and fill up every speck of spare time to keep from having to have any empty time. I am very uncomfortable with spare time. Some people seem to have an excess of it.
This leads to a discussion of my compulsiveness. I have to wonder if I am compulsive or if the others are just lazy as hell.

Hmmm....Well needless to say, Im not crazy. LOL...
Good nite....
End Of Rant

Tuesday, June 2, 2009


Most of my days are spent worrying. Why do I worry so much, I ask myself this constantly. How can I stop? Does anyone worry about me at all? Is this like some kind of genetic trait? My mother was a worrier. She was also very nosy. I am what I like to call, curious. But that just means nosy. My kids call me Nosy Nancy behind my back. Isn't every parent nosy? Nosy Nancy. Isn't that nice?
Well, I guess I resented my parents intrusion into my "life". I never saw the forest for the trees either. I wish I can remember when it all became so clear. When the curtain of delusional thinking lifted and I saw how things really were, and how it was going to turn out, if I didn't do something and fast. Thats when I decided to take my sister In Law's advice and my brother's advice and go to nursing school. I never wanted to be a nurse when I was small. I think I told ya'll before that I wanted to be an archeologist...but I just figured out that wasn't going to happen and I thought, ok, i gotta do something. So the rest is history, as they say.
But nobody warned me about this worrying thing. At least the part where you still worry about them after they are 20, 30, etc.
Now I get to worry about grand children, too.

Is there a pill to make you stop worrying? If there is I sure would like to get it prescribed.
For now, I guess I'll just have to distract myself. But when you wake up thinking about a thing and it stays with you all day, something tells me that can't be healthy. I hope I don't have a stroke over it. All my relatives died of strokes or heart attacks. Only one died of cancer and that was my mom, the worrier.
I am being really morbid, aren't I?

Oh well, just venting....nobody said this was just gonna be a happy poem blog. I have a rant blog too....but that is too personal to make public. People might find out how I really feel...LOL.

Ok, that's enough for now. I feel better.
Thanks for listening.

Monday, June 1, 2009

Joon first....Neurons are firing...

Dragyonfly's Dreams

Peach Nectar sweet-like crystalline sugar
and thick ice water kisses...
Mermaid dreams in tangerine poses
amid night absinthe-asphyxia.
Pink milk and honey,
eggshell cotton candy-
icicle fractured
glass-eyed firefly.