Thursday, November 8, 2012

Than Bauk


over black wine
feeling fine, i
think time over.

over you now
don't ask how, as
for now I'm done.

done again, sure
you concur, and
you cure us all.




13 comments:

anotherwanderingsoul said...

you created a beautifully sad feeling here... i like what you've done with the form.

seacamels said...

So well done with this difficult form. You pulled it off beautifully.

Quotes,Photos and a little Poetry said...

Nice write, strong person on this poem

Brian Miller said...

oh dang, you even carried last to first in your stanzas....you def make it look effortless....wow...

raivenne said...

The Than Bauk form is a hard one and not only do you do it well, but you had to get fancy with it to boot! Very nicely done.

Beachanny said...

I think this is both clever and BRAVE. I'm so weird about repetitions. (I think it's because I have a tendency to use the same word more than once in a poem by accident). But your repetitions here fulfill the requirements, but do so much more, they exaggerate and intensify the message in such an important way making this so sharp, and so emotional. Well done, you!

Claudia said...

the black wine is intriguing...

Anna Montgomery said...

The iterations deeped the emotional impact, like the good villanelle, nicely done!

Fred Rutherford said...

nicely done. Really love how you built a real sense of emotion into your piece here. Having a great time reading these Than Bauk's tonight. Such a cool form. Thanks

Dave King said...

I love the freedom and the rhythms you give it. Beautifully accomplished.

RMP said...

very nicely done. I found the repetition of words to add another dimension to the piece.

dragyonfly said...

you are all so kind...thank you.

Sabio Lantz said...

Interesting -- the form PLUS the extra first syllable. Very creative.

PS -- do you know that you have CAPTCHA activated for word verification to enter a comment. It is a pain in the butt -- please consider turning off. I had to submit this three times!