Friday, November 6, 2015

Dogs and Furniture/ Furniture and Dogs and also Summer is Over In Memphis

I am at an odd place this late night. I find myself awake at 3 am quite frequently so that's not the oddity. Actually, the thing is,  I have gotten permission from my husband to look and shop for furniture. You see, his mom is coming to visit us soon, so she has to have a place to sit down. And the furniture that is in my house is on its last leg. You see, I have adopted these two really great and really big dogs..Tank and Savannah, and  they have finished destroying my old broken down furniture. It was pretty close to being beat up before Tank the 70 pound pit bull came here to live, but since he has taken the sofa as his bed, it's kind of a done deal. I guess that's my fault for allowing it, and I have no idea how to keep him from doing it on the NEW furniture. I have read some interesting suggestions however, such as placing a carpet runner mat on it upside down, so those spiky things on the bottom are on the top.
     Yes, I know most dogs get to sleep with their humans, but he knows nothing about doing the dog curl up, as he lays stretched out all four paws to the four corners all splayed out like a fainting goat and then there is the blanket tug of war. Pretty soon, he starts to growl, probably warning what ever dream dog that this is his dream yard and you best just move on. After that he starts to bark with his mouth closed,  and it is the weirdest thing when he does that, because he sounds like he is three blocks away and he is laying right here growling and barking with his mouth closed and his feet twitching. Funny old dog.

So back to the furniture. I have found out more about chairs tonight than I have ever wanted to know. I wanted to do some research so I would know what  I wanted and needed before ever setting foot in an actual store. Everyone knows a furniture salesman are worse than used car salesman. (Everyone but me, that is.) Mattresses salesment fall in that category too and are made worse by the fact that you don't get to buy furniture and mattresses that often because they are expensive. So if you don't get it right, too bad, you are stuck with it for at least 5 years, probably more. Here are some things I have learned about buying furniture.

All furniture isn't created equally. Some of it is made with particle board, wood foam and staples. No shit. Staples!! When someone around the weight of 40 sits down hard and you hear something snap, that is not a good sign. Those nail heads? They don't "do" anything. It's decoration. Most of that stuff is glued and stapled together and not nailed.I also learned the word, Leather Bonding. NOT bondage, bonDING. Look that one up.
Other words to look for-  words such as:
"frames are constructed with all solid kiln dried hardwoods"
 "reinforced with blocks"
"sinuous springing system"
"potential leather carnage "

The last one is strange, but true because animals are weirdly affected by leather and other animal hides. I am sure you can see why.

Recliners are in a league all by themselves as there are mechanisms and motion furniture, they have low leggers that support your whole leg to your ankles and high leggers that support your upper legs only. (WHY?) They have push back, push button and lever back kinds. You can pull a handle and it will slam into the back of your legs or you can ease yourself up with the push of a button in a power recliner. It boggles the mind!!
Then you have all the types of covering. I will spare you that. It just goes on and on. I never really paid attention to any of this before.
    During my explorations of chairs, I had one thing in the back of my mind. My own, and others in my tribe's girth and heft.  Most all of the chairs were not as wide as they appeared. I was looking at one that looked like it would accommodate Sasquatch, and it was only  18 inches across the seat. That wouldn't work out around here, i can tell you that without even getting a tape measure out. Some are larger than others and we don't want anyone to be uncomfy. Ya know whadda mean?

So the chairs. I am going to have to get some chairs for our "Entertainment room" also known as "TV room" or "In there". And then, perhaps I can have a sofa for the Parlor, Sitting room or more recently called a Living room. My own mother had a Parlor and no one was allowed to sit on the furniture. Ever.

Ok. Now I need some help from my friends out there in SlobbsBlogg- Land. (Is there anyone still out there? )

Please tell me how to keep my dogs off the future new furniture. All suggestions will be seriously considered.
Waiting to hear from you .......I have been missing my blog....and all of my readers who make me happy.
The Old SlobbBlogger.


Saturday, October 31, 2015

Back again

Hello from the old Slobblogger out here in Elvisland. I have revived the Slobblogg, given it CPR and a good dusting off. It seems like it is pretty much like I left it almost 2 years ago. I have gotten a little older and alot more bolder, or is it alot LESS bolder. As some old Rock N Roller used to say. Slobb blog never forgets.

I am back here now, back in the land of blogs and words after a long hiatus. I have been blocked, blacked out, constipated, dried up like a cow chip with words spaced out and rare, any inspiration, like a rolling tumbleweed in the desert of a flat line brain. Im broken and lost and wonder if I am truly mad? I despise my loathing and despair. All my other life gay and happy, this is a thin aired existence, giving no energy nor requiring any. The constant companion, pain, now arises from my hips and lights up the knee and ankle, and the hands and fingers are like pain antennae, tracking any high barometric pressure in the area. Its alarming to realize not only do I not want to add exercise to my life, but I am unable to. Walking half a block and having to turn around and rest several times raised a warning flag of burning pain in my hips and groin. Should I even mention the shortness of breath and alarming weight gain? I see to be unable to stop the train headed my way. Maybe I want to get hit by it. I guess I wonder what its like, but then I realize what I just wondered about and get wary of my thoughts.
Death by self neglect. I gotta take a nap now.